dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
only you would photoshop your dick
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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