I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
