You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
