I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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