All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
