So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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