i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
