i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
