what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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