i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
