I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
