jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh god it's open bar.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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