drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
