Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
