Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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