please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
