Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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