sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
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I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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