So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
