I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Congratulations! We have a period
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize