return my video game
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize