In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
