Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
