I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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