I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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