Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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