I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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