The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I supernannyed him into submission
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
