so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
