my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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