just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her