Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (509) Good night (87134) Bad night (8919)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.

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  (734): I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success. http://tfl.nu/p2jc
  Replies (8) Good night (2239) Bad night (553)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.

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  (847): Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over. http://tfl.nu/gmxm
  Replies (35) Good night (1429) Bad night (2814)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.

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  (713): counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet. http://tfl.nu/nzku
  Replies (16) Good night (4881) Bad night (992)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?

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  (703): Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning? http://tfl.nu/g5lh
  Replies (4) Good night (1744) Bad night (5050)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP

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  (828): Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP http://tfl.nu/p7o6
  Replies (22) Good night (4168) Bad night (1286)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.

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  (908): I think I actually have rug burn on my eye. http://tfl.nu/mvqe
  Replies (5) Good night (943) Bad night (1757)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.

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  (856): You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/7ekl
  Replies (3) Good night (816) Bad night (1686)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.

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  (518): I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them. http://tfl.nu/sunc
  Replies (5) Good night (2467) Bad night (548)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.

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  (316): Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip. http://tfl.nu/kzaf
  Replies (2) Good night (1867) Bad night (489)
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  (909): View more from California

  Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

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  (909): Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy? http://tfl.nu/bd8h
  Replies (7) Good night (388) Bad night (1419)
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  (530): View more from California

  At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.

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  (530): At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up. http://tfl.nu/1byu
  Replies (1) Good night (1332) Bad night (432)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?

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  (519): All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/p3wm
  Replies (3) Good night (1289) Bad night (436)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.

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  (902): I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at. http://tfl.nu/m09a
  Replies (3) Good night (566) Bad night (309)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago

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  (440): Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago http://tfl.nu/7mtt
  Replies (0) Good night (352) Bad night (379)

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