I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.