hotel room ftw
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Badâ€
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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