waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
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I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.