just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?