I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
