Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
