So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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