I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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