Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize