You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize