So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
