Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
