so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
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Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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