hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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