I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
a search helicopter?!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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