Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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