Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
