Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
