Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
