I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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