): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
