i may or may not be watching the land before time
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
