only if we run a train.
done.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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