This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
