Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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