69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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