well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
