those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
