things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
