On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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