For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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