and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
foreskin is a definite game changer
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
