Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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