Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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