fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
her vagine was all disorganized.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
