this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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