My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
