I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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