whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
