so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
