Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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