you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
