Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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