I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
