They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
