there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
