Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
