he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
