at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
