Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
