You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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