Taylor Swift is so right about you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
